"Dear Santa...

(continued from page 7)

sina er igloos together, removing some of the walls and vaulting à dome over the center: There were winlacing each of the four directions. I was about nock on the entrance when in the distance I comited 4,003 grey whales in a parade. The leader had a banner which said, "California or Bust!" | knew that whales migrated from the Arctic to breeding waters near Mexico and thought it quite amusing of them to have such a banner,

I knocked on the igloo doon. A large man let me in. His face was bisected; the right side of the his face was the theater symbol of comedy and the left side was tragedy. He asked. "Would you like to buy a snow ball? It's homemade." I shook my head no and he pointed the way through the corridor. There was a room full of people in masks, wearing paper hats. They were singing bawdy songs and dancing sen suously; swirling with scarves, ribbons and hells, accompanied by hobby horses and drums. All movement and sound stopped when I came through the door. Simultaneously everyone pointed to me and said, **There is the first footer.

I wondered what that was and someone explained. that I was the first person over the threshhold during the Feast of Fools. “We will have good luck the whole year because it is a man,” they said in chorus,

I tried to tell them that in spite of my beard, I was, in fact, a woman. They wouldn't listen and told me to have a drink of Wassail. I did. It was bubbling, warm and tickled my nose. Soon I felt lightheaded. I was offered the drug belladonna. I took this and felt as though I was flying. I was encouraged to eat from long tables spread with roasted suckling pigs, cornish hens, geese, sides of beef, fresh tomatoes, peppers, spaghen squash, oranges, apples, dates, figs, kiwi berries and shellfish, round loaves of dark bread and mincemeat pies. As centerpieces there were delicate fruit and nut pastes molded into figures of pelicans in nests and a woman on horseback and a tiger looking

mo a mirror.

There were clowns and magicians with doves and dogs and a man who went around the room “piping the car. He held the cat bagpipe fashion with its tail in lus teeth. He bit the tail and the cat screamed loudly. After each scream he declared, "I feel distinctly. like a rodent.**

Great roots of vule tree burned brightly. Around the hall were large wreaths of holly, and in each corner of the room were huge fir trees trimmed with tinsel, bulbs and strings of popcorn and cranberries. Several little children in white nightgowns were giv ing away presents of dolls and candles,

A beautiful woman with raven black hair leaned over to alert me. **1 ook for the nun who has a peculiar habit of reading her prayer book upside down.**

There she was. Gliding by on a skateboard, she

wore orange rinds for glasses and pointing to the right one she said, “Isn't this a spectacle?!”

Three women blew whistles and all was quiet. Everyone said in chorus, "It is time to choose. The Ford of Misrule.”

Many servants came from several doors with countless trays of plum pudding. We were each given a slice and told that the person who found a diamond ring in his plum pudding would be crowned and given robes of scarlet and ermine, a hat with a tassle and boots that came up to the knee. The person chosen by for would sit in a throne of red velvet Trom which he would reign over The Feast of Fools.

We were told to start eating. I bit into the pudding and nearly broke a tooth. I took out the plum pit which turned into a diamond ring in the palm of my hand, I wanted to keep quiet about the ring because I felt shy and embarrassed in having it. When all of the pudding was eaten someone asked, "Who has found the Lng? Who is The Lord of Misrule?”

After a long silence, the guard at the door said, "Look to the first footer." A midget dressed in purple satin hopped in front of me and opened my left hand and put the ring on the index finger of my righ! hand. He said, "When you hear this diamond ring, you may put on the robes of scarlet and ermine and sit upon the throne to begin your reign."

1 did hear the ring and I was stepping forward and the ring continued ringing and ringing. I turned, tossed and rolled over, nearly falling to the floor as I answered the phone.

"Yes?"

"Good morning. This is Anne DiRika from Halle's. I'm calling to tell you that you're our new Santa Claus. Can you come in this afternoon?”

I rubbed my eyes. 'Yes, I would be happy to reign. as The Lord of Misrule."

"I beg your pardon?”

“Oh, I mean Santa Claus, sorry, yes, I'll be in around one o'clock.”

"That's fine. I look forward to seeing you. Bye now."

"Thank you. Goodbye."

I hung up the phone. The back of my shirt was wet with sweat and I felt slightly hung over. I was still dressed. I hadn't gone to bed, but had fallen asleep while reading on the couch. A Book of Christmas was open to the page where I had left off. Well, I didn't feel as if I had to hurry to read the rest of the chapter on Christmas in Medieval times. I had an idea of what it was like.

I hoped that being Santa Claus would be as entertaining as my dream. My shoes came running and I was off, I could hardly wait to meet my elves....

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December, 1979/What She Wants/Page 13